When do you stop, starting over?

Good evening all,

It has been a while.  I can only apologise for my tardiness and assure you that had I have posted, it would not have been enjoyable to read but full of moans and self pity.....  Alright alright I hear you shouting at your computer screen 'nothing unusual there then!' and I agree.

So where have I been for the past 4 weeks?  

Work, bed, Doctors, Hospital, Vets, repeat.  Having spent an increasingly busy period at work, I believe exhaustion played a big part in my immune system breaking down (that and increased volumes of alcohol and bad food... see I do listen Richard, I just don't always act on it).

I had a nasty ear infection that I couldn't shift, an increase in temperature, a mix which does not bode well with running.  So I didn't. 

The vets was for my poor dog Marley, who had a lump on his bottom, which I am still not sure the cause, having seen three different vets, with 3 different diagnosis all contradicting the previous.  After £250 of lets try this attitude, I was told it was cancer and he needed it removing and castrating.

Having lost faith in that vets, I brought him home and watched him day and night for a few days to stop him licking at his lump, which has now gone down considerably, and in my opinion looks like a spot that burst and now is drying up.  But I am not a vet, so I will be taking him to see another practice to get a final opinion before shelling out £400 for the aforementioned operations.

So I didn't run for 3 weeks solid, I went out for the first time Sunday before last.  I still don't think I was 100% and I only managed 15 minutes trail walk, and 20 minutes run before my temperature went sky high and I felt dizzy.

Then yesterday I went out again, I  managed 32 minutes run,, 3 min walk and 10 minutes run followed by 15 minutes walk home.  My Heart rate was still in the threshold zone through out, even though I was only running at my LSR pace showing how my fitness had slipped through my toes.

I was feeling pretty bleak at this point, as I hoped that the week before was more of still being ill than my loss of fitness.  I asked myself the question, how many times do you start over before giving up for good.  But then I also asked myself, what would I be without my running, and how would i feel never doing it again and that was not a happy thought.

I know I can build it back up, and I know it wont take long, I did after I had the break after VLM, I just find it frustrating how well I had been doing and improving and knowing I have to start that all over again.  But I also know that I will not be happy going back to being a supporter only,  I already have various races planned for next year, and cancelling them is not an option through giving up.

So here I am, the last week has felt really black, and  know that the next few weeks will not be easy or enjoyable, but I have to stay focused on the goals in front of me.  For now building back up, and enjoying the Santa run I have planned in December, Xmas and New Years Day Park Runs ad then my next actual competitive (with myself) race - Chocathon in January.

I know that I haven't had much to tell you today, but I was recently asked what it was about running blogs that made me read them, and it is because you share every moment with that person...  I wanted to share my down side, as I am sure that every runner goes through this at least once in their running life.  It can feel like you are on your own, and that it isn't worth carrying on, but I know it will be, and I am glad that I have many of you readers to share the journey, nod your heads in agreements at the tough times, laugh at the fun times, and share with me the achievements.

Happy Running all,  and if I can give one piece of advice, don't shy away from the running community when you are injured or ill, you might find yourself jealous, but it will keep you motivated to get back out there and remember you are not on your own in your thoughts.  I did exactly this (shy away) and I almost didn't come back.  I am glad I have.

Much Love

FBB